why.....

its just soo stressfull how i cant find what i want i just get hurt everyday i dont know how much of this i can take i get let down ,hurt,betrayed, i dont know anymore i feel soo bad everyday i can never be happy if there is something caled a good day please god just let me have one i wish i could drift disapear into my own world but sadly i cant i try to i close my eyes and hope that when i open them im somewhere where im happy but i open them and all i see is this place called home but through my eyes.its not a home....its a jail a depressing jail i feel inprisoned like i cant get out i try to get out but i cant it sometimes hurts and te stress makes me panic and its too much to take in i cant breath and i start turnining blue and my heart starts squeezing and i cant breath i cant move when i try too it hurts even more it feels like im dying and i get flash backs of when i was little and happy but as i stare at the cieling i lay on the floor and look at the ceiling and stay currled up trying to take deep breaths to calm my heart down but it helps soo little but i try to relax so i can stay alive but i dont know how much i can take....