whats going to happen too me

I wonder what im gonna be like in the future i have a feeling im still gonna go with the sk8r/rock star look and my hairs still going too be long but look wayyy better...like oliver skyes (: i wish! i hope! will i have piercings?. If so SNAKE BITES!!! two each side of my bottom lip color black! i like the color black no color can beat how crual and pain full the color black is my favorite color hmm...i have a feeling im going to be skateboarding alott! like ryan scheckler or tony hawk or ama be realy good at my guitar that i might start a band why not! im going too be very stoked if so! lol. It has too be one of those two rockstar or sk8r orr chef just like my dad im not going to have a crappy job i want too due something i like something fun something that interests me theres soo many possibilitys i dont know where to start lol.

cloudy

I feel like im in a cloudy cloudy place and i just cant find my way out like its really dark and cold and all i can due is keep and keep running up shiny clear floating stairs there in a round pattern leading more into the dark sky and i keep and keep and keep keep running sometimes walk and then just till im tierd slowly keep going up and up the stairs. They surprising thing is i never stop....im killing myself just still going i ask myself i should take a break but i push myself to keep going im suffering and im doing it too myself i have too much hope too much curiousity too know whats up there i just want too know whats past the mist its so interesting its killing me im wondering will i ever make it too the top?. So here i am still running up im starving ..cant breath ...heart hurts and im lonely its just me i just want to leave out of this place...i look up to the sky...and maybe ill feel better...soon.

feelings

I feel like every time im getting closer and closer something has too go wrong like its confusing, frusterating its too much to take in sometimes they only way i can feel better is if i start destroying stuff it feels good breaking stuff it takes all the anger away well...most of it. I want things to be o.k but why are they not? wish things could be that way but they cant i dont know all i know is i dont due anything wrong i just be with friends all day i like my friends i have great friends at times i feel lonely...like i need somebody to love or love me why is love such a great feeling ...i love ...but when your heart breaks you start crashing down clouds from heaven too earth from earth too hell its cold in hell well....at least my hell...its dark ...,stormy....dead everything died or is dying and im in the middle of no where...how did i get here?. I got here...because...i died...from a broken heart im cold....and your not there too hold me...anymore the tears have dried out and i have no pulse...i cant feel.....anything im just on the dirt on my knees and all i can due....is hope.

i wonder

I wonder due you ever look back at the good memorys due you think of me when im thinking of you when i stay up at night starring at the ceiling thinking if your dreaming of me or thinking of me awake. Due you look at your side and almost feel me there in your arms like i due due you wish that you could just have me appear next too you in your arms like magic due you ever just want too kiss me as much as i want too kiss you and just keep kissing you all night due you want to hold me as much as i want to hold you...forever would you jump if i fell off a plane and catch me like i would catch you if you drowned would i catch you...of course i would...i would jump in the deepest ocean swim down as far as i could just to grab your hand and take you baq to shore and if i couldint save you only myself if i had to let you go to live....i would...drown with...you ...i would die...holding you...i would do anything and everything out of...love...for you...starr hernandez..

friends far away

I miss my old friends from cali i wanna go and just hang out like we use too when i lived there just skateboard for a while on a sunny day then when the ice cream truck passes through buy cheetos the hott ones with warm cheese on the top and eat them with a kool aid jammer and talk about funny things or things too due in the future. We would lauph and chill and when were done eating skateboard some more till we just could not skate anymore those were great days ...days when i did not have a care in the world things were perfect i miss my friends johhny,anthony,kenny, miss them...maybe one day ill see them again.

on my mind

Snow it sucks especialy when have new skateboarding sneakers its like you want to skate in them as soon as possible but you cant because its freaking freezing out there cant the sun just come down and melt it all away...my family is weird in a god way...we were dancing to techno in the car on the way to mc donalds. It amazes me how different we are from other familys not saying myne is the best because we have our problems too but im just thankful i have a family and a place to call my own i like how i establish this relationship between brother and sister with my cousins it realy helps us get closer. I wonder whats going to happen in 3 years are we realy going to die or are we going to livelong enouph to have a happy life like it would be realy sad if it just ended in a flash to have our lifes taken away. I wonder if i will see kevin again theres no reason in living life if he wasent alive and in all honesty i can say all i need is him to survive in this cold dead place we call earth i find it funny how alone i feel like i cant reach heaven but when hes with me nothing seems impossible... Bring me the horizon hmm...what can i say about them i realy realy realy!!! want to go to one of thier concerts but just havent had the time it sux ...at least come to union square that would be asome at least bless the fall dude.

secret spot..

Sometimes you want to due things that can change the way you think of the world around you i find it realy interesting how i look at a spot a nice lonely, deserted, dark but a little bit of light spot and just think hey a drum set would fit nicely in that spot or guitar maybe a piano. Maybe in my spare time in school instead of doing nothing i can go in that spot by myself and play some music or learn how to use these instruments its not such a bad idea. But i keep thinking how am i gonna make it happen i realy want to having some alone time making music the kind that i like rock music would be an awesome idea. How can i have the auditorium to myself? with nobody there just me alone nobody bothering just me making music in peace i realy want to make this happen i hope the school lets me.