wow here we go AGAIN!!!

like what is wrong with my life like all of a sudden it just got calm and happy and good and now its just falling apart my family's falling apart but i never realy considered my family a family becouse how my dad doesint live with us or how he's just not in the picture you no its like why i ask my self why my life ended up like this just why i feel like braking down and just giving up and just cry my self to sleep everyday its horrible they only thing that keeps me alive and beleaving is the thought in how i should never give up to keep trying till i get what i want and i wont stop until im finally happy but right now im not happy im sad im down i want to give up i want to cry my eyes out and i just don't know what to due every things getting effed up again i cant take it im gonna brake im going to i can feel it i swear if this goes on or if this problem gets bigger im going to explode with anger and i just wont be able to control myself i want to NEED!! TO! get the heck!!! out of here i cant take it i need to leave to california and live with my grandma in california i have it all happyness good friends sunny days and a job working with my grandma and well family and i consider my family in california to be a real family not this fake nothing ignorant piece of nothingness family i have in new york sure your my mother but you dont feel like one to me m sorry but its the truth and i dont think that will ever change i hate you i love my grandma like a mother i never had and i miss her soo much i miss you mom ).; i just cant take it i need to leave right now ill do anything whatever it takes just get me the hell!! out of here PLEASE I BEGG OF YOU!!! with every tear i have every hope and little happness in me that i have left save me i cant take it anymore get me out of here!!!.