feelings

I feel like every time im getting closer and closer something has too go wrong like its confusing, frusterating its too much to take in sometimes they only way i can feel better is if i start destroying stuff it feels good breaking stuff it takes all the anger away well...most of it. I want things to be o.k but why are they not? wish things could be that way but they cant i dont know all i know is i dont due anything wrong i just be with friends all day i like my friends i have great friends at times i feel lonely...like i need somebody to love or love me why is love such a great feeling ...i love ...but when your heart breaks you start crashing down clouds from heaven too earth from earth too hell its cold in hell well....at least my hell...its dark ...,stormy....dead everything died or is dying and im in the middle of no where...how did i get here?. I got here...because...i died...from a broken heart im cold....and your not there too hold me...anymore the tears have dried out and i have no pulse...i cant feel.....anything im just on the dirt on my knees and all i can due....is hope.